Network: Eleanor

[what_the_fork_man]

I have more questions:

1. Is this place a refugee camp for people who got booted from Comic-con? If so, I think there's been a mistake. I am so not a nerd.

2. What is a Thanos? It sounds like a boner pill.

3. Is a portal like a magical sphincter? If so, maybe a plug would help us out.

4. Why did the littletree kid kick me? kids are such jerks sometimes.

5. Are there parental controls on my phone? why won't tinder download?

Comments

[fell_in_love]

Um...

2. Thanos is my father. He is also an crazy megalomaniac alien who believes that he is "saving" planets by killing half their populations. He most recently did that to most of these people. They're not over it. (I'm not either. It was what Peter would call a dick move)

4. Why do kids ever do anything? He is obsessed with kicking and punching right now, and I can't just tell him not to kick anyone because well, I mean he's seen me beat the shit out of enemies so that would be completely hypocritical. Sorry.

[what_the_fork_man]

Man, I thought my dad was bad. Your dad sucks. Someday maybe you can meet my friend, Jason's dad, Donkey Doug. I bet he'd adopt you....

Why am I his enemy? All I've done since I got here is talk on the net and feed the birds. I suppose threatening him with Round up would be a hard no?

[fell_in_love]

Oh, yeah, that explains it.

The sprout has declared war against the pigeons of New York.... He thinks they're talking smack about him. For all I know, they might be, I don't speak pigeon.

So, he probably decided you've allied yourself with the enemy.

[what_the_fork_man]

No offense, but your kid has a few issues.

Pretty sure that's caused by exposure to bad sideburns. Just sayin'

[fell_in_love]

He is 100% a tiny, bark-covered Peter Quill.

They weirdly grow on you.

[what_the_fork_man]

Girl, fungus grows on you. There is medication for it.